Our suggestions for the royal honeymoon

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but there’s a wedding on. Souvenir-sellers are hitting pay-dirt, shifting mountains of commemorative teapots and toilet seats, biscuits and blow-up dolls, while royal-watchers busily work themselves into a lather speculating on the whereabouts of Will and Kate’s honeymoon, with Scotland to Australia, and virtually all points in between, tipped as hot favourites.

So, as a help to the House of Windsor, here’s our recommendations for Gecko’s tours the newly betrothed couple might get a kick out of.

Mongolian Wilderness Adventure

Why? Solitude, for starters. Life under the lens must be pretty wearying, so heading out a little beyond the middle of nowhere must have its attractions. Doesn’t get much more out-of-the-public-eye than this: camping out on the steppe, exploring untouched gorges and hiking volcanoes that look out onto a big, beautiful slice of emptiness. Plus, with his aunt’s Olympic exploits and his great-grandmother’s love of a flutter, horsemanship is in Will’s blood. So he shouldn’t miss Arburd Sands, where he can sit back and relax with a cup of airrag (fermented mare’s milk) and watch the child nomads who live there’s extraordinary mastery of the animals.

Complete Cuba

Why? It’s a pretty sexy place, which is always a good box to tick for a honeymoon. A few hazy Havana nights spent cruising in 1950s American muscle cars while puffing cigars, then mixing mojitos and trying out rumba moves is never time poorly spent. The relatively tight media controls exercised in Cuba might mean that the happy couple could go about their business in some degree of anonymity as well. A tip for the Windsors: just don’t not to dwell on recent history, where a bloody people’s uprising threw off the shackles of a ruling elite and instead installed a government for the people (or so the argument goes anyway).

Wild West Africa

Why? West Africa’s not short of lose-yourself adventure and eye-popping sights – perfect for any couple settling down to a life behind closed (and locked) doors and in need of plenty of sustenance in the form of ‘remember when we did that?’ conversations. 24 days with Gecko’s exploring the best of the west would take Kate and Will into a vortex of voodoo, magical mythical landscapes, some of the world’s great live music experiences and fascinating history. Sobering too: not a bad thing for any cosseted couple of privilege to spend time in some of the world’s most impoverished nations, or to take in the region’s slavery past , with the castles that dot the coast once housing slaves sold to live a life of servitude in the name of serving the wealthy.

Beachcomber - Thailand

Why? Mixing simple pleasures with some tips from the experts. Head down to Koh Samui and Phuket and the newly-weds can toast their matrimonial harmony with a glass of Mekong Whisky at a hedonistic full moon party, then indulge in Will’s favourite pastime, scuba diving (best to leave a little time between these two activities).

But there are reasons other than welcoming locals, fantastic beaches and fabulous food that make Thailand a great destination for the honeymooners. The British monarchy’s popularity may be riding high at the moment, but its ratings fluctuate more than the proverbial yo-yo; they could learn a trick or two from the the Thai monarchy, whose status is enshrined in the country’s constitution as "enthroned in a position of revered worship and shall not be violated”. With portraits of the king displayed everywhere from beach bars to city restaurants, that reverence shines through clearly. Probably also doesn’t hurt the monarchy's popularity that criticism of the king could lead to a decade or two's imprisonment - Will and Kate could use their honeymoon as a fact-finding mission to gather tips for a successful, revered future rule, if they can tear themselves away from the Mekong Whisky.

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