Humour Photo courtesy of Sylvia Westenbroek, Flickr

Published on April 11th, 2014 | by Eliza Elliott

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10 FACTS THAT WILL MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SLOTHS (ALL OVER AGAIN)

Photo courtesy of Sylvia Westenbroek, Flickr

Sloths are by far and away the best animal in the world (except maybe THIS GUY).  They are both adorable and utterly ridiculous, and can be found in the jungles of Central and South America.

They live in constant slow motion action replay. They sleep pretty much constantly. They have excellent hook fingers. They only eat what they can reach. We bet they’d sip straight whiskey like Don Draper if they could the sexy beasts. Everyone loves a sloth. It is a universal truth.

So next time you’re stuck in a lift and need something to fill the awkward silence, start sprouting these IMPORTANT sloth facts. You will make a new friend for life.

1. They got swagger

They only move around four metres per minute. Like bloody rockstars.

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Look out, Mick Jagger | Source: giphy.com

2. Lovers not fighters

A sloth’s claws are its only natural defense. Evolution has been kind.

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Wouldn’t hurt a fly. | Source: Giphy.com

3. Despite pathetic claw-only defense…

They live until around 40.

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Best. Sloth. Ever. | Source: giphy.com

4. Panthers of the water

They may be a little slow moving and awkward on land, but these dudes are like graceful swans when they’re in water. Who knew?

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Weird. Please do not put sloths on boats. | Source: giphy.com

5. Sleepy teens

They sleep around 10 hours per day. Admirable.

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Proper knackered. | Source: giphy.com

6. Old souls

These guys have been around a long time. Like, A REALLY LONG TIME… 100 million years long. Apparently 30 million years ago there was a ground sloth over five metres tall. GIANT FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER SLOTH. AWESOME.

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Like people, when sloths get old they start to fall over | Source: giphy.com

7. Speaking of giant Frankenstein monster sloth…

Before taking to the jungles of South America, sloths dwelled in the sea, dug ridiculously big tunnels, and hung out in Antarctica. Basically, they lived out their wildest and most adventurous fantasies before retiring to the jungle to enjoy the quiet life.

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No explanation. | Source: giphy.com

8. Anteater friends

Sloths are related to anteaters. It’s all in the claws.

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“What? These claws?” | Source: giphy.com

9. Green, no envy

Sometimes sloths grow an algae in their fur which gives them a greenish tinge. This is especially handy for a slow moving beast that resides upside down in trees and sleeps most of the day. The king of hide and seek.

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“The king of hide and seek” is right | Source: giphy.com

10. Lone wolves

Well, lone sloths. Sloths are lone rangers, they only join forces to ‘procreate’.  Meow.

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About the Author

Writing about travel is an excellent form of torture. Excellent because, writing about travel. Torture because, writing about travel. But I can’t complain too much. I got to spend a good many years gallivanting around, eating the food, seeing the things and sleeping in odd positions. Now every time the FOMO gets too intense, I just channel my wanderlust into bad travel adjectives. SAY NO TO AZURE.



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