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Published on March 11th, 2014 | by Geckos Tales Team

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16 ANIMALS THAT HAVE BETTER BEARDS THAN YOU

Beards are everywhere these days. Men have taken to sporting the facial fluff like it’s going out of fashion. What’s important to remember, though, is that no matter how good your beard is, there’s always going to be an animal with a better one. Travel: unveiling the best beards of the animal kingdom since forever. 

1. Ibex – Europe

ibex

Graceful, horned, elegant, agile, massive beard.

2. Bearded emperor tamarin – Brazil and Peru

tamarin

Not only is this monkey an emperor, it also has a mustache to make even the most mustached of men jealous.

3. Bearded dragon – Australia

bearded dragon

Part dragon, part beard. This animal wins extra points for having the most kickass name out of all of the animals.

4. Seal – just about everywhere

seal

No, not ‘Kiss from a Rose’ Seal. We might not have seen him for a while, but we don’t think he has a massive beard. If he did, we’d know.

5. Lion – Africa and Asia

lion

A lion has a beard that circumnavigates its entire neck. It’s probably the biggest beard in the animal kingdom. Some people try and call this beard a “mane”, but those people are idiots. It is a massive beard.

6. Most dogs – just about everywhere

schnauzer

How many dogs have you seen with massive beards? Our guess is more than you’ve seen without beards. Saying that, we’ve never seen a sausage dog with a beard. Special mention goes to schnauzers, Scottish terriers, west-highland terriers and bearded collies. Apologies to those dogs who didn’t make this list. There’s always next year.

7. Markhor – Afghanistan

manhor

These creatures are found in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Indian Kashmir, Tajikistan and Uzebekistan, and they have absolutely glorious beards. Perhaps the most glorious of them all.

8. Goat – Southwest Asia and Eastern Europe (originally)

goat

The goat is probably the most famous of all the bearded animals, having featured in such films as Goat Wars: Revenge of the Beards and The Lion, the Witch, and the Massive Goat’s Beard.

9. Bearded pig – Borneo, Philippines, Malaysia

beardedpig

One-upping its unbearded relatives, the bearded pig is the most respected pig in the pig world. Often mistaken for wizards, bearded pigs are found in Borneo and are almost as rare as mustached elephants. Almost.

10. Bison – North America

bison

Bison are most well known for having massive heads. A lesser-known fact about bisons is that fact that they also have massive beards. They also have a haircut that is almost identical to that of Captain Spock.

11. Catfish – everywhere except Antarctica

catfish

No, they are not whiskers. That is a massive beard.

12. Orangutan – Borneo and Sumatra

orangutan

Men often find that for no reason in particular, their beard turns ginger when it gets to a certain length. This has concerned men for centuries, but for no reason. The orangutan is a testament to just how handsome a massive ginger beard can be.

13. Tiger – India, China, Siberia and Sumatra

tiger

We are of the opinion that all tigers were jazz musicians in their past lives. The proof is in the soul patch.

14. Iguana – Central America and Polynesia

iguana

Mostly reptile, partly beard.

15. Turkey – North America

turkey

Some call them dewlaps, we call them Turkey beards.

16. Highland cattle – Scotland

highlandcattle

The highland cattle has an extra-special place on this list (last, and therefore best place) because their entire body is essentially a beard. You cannot have met a highland cattle and dispute this. We have emailed UNESCO and requested that all highland cattle be declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site because of this fact.

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About the Author

We run awesome trips around the world. But when we're not on the road, we're sitting here and writing loads of travel-related insights, tips, information and advice. Geckos Tales is your go-to source for whenever you need to find something out about pretty much anything.



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