Travel tips

Published on January 24th, 2014 | by Eliza Gower


An Australian’s 6 tips for Australians abroad

Read time: a bit over 2 minute

I should preface this post by stating that I am a proud Australian. I love my countrymen and women. It’s just that sometimes, when we’re out there exploring a world, we can get it all a bit wrong. Nobody’s perfect all the time, but if you’d have met some of the same Australian trainwrecks that I have when I’ve been travelling, you’d probably of written this post yourself. Probably. Anyway, here are some pointers for my Australian brethren and sethren (I think I made the word ‘sethren’ up).  Think of this as more of a lighthearted guide than a set of rules. You can do whatever the hell you like, after all.

Wearing flags/sports jerseys whilst not at a sporting event is not conducive to anything

You know that rad Wallabies/Socceroos/misc-Australian-sporting-team-of-your-choice shirt/jersey you just bought? Perfect for every occasion – warm in winter, cool in summer, just the right shade of insipid yellow for your increasingly reddening complexion… Plan to take it with you on your big trip away?

Don’t. You are conspicuous enough without having your home nation emblazoned across your chest. When combined with buckets of booze, a little too much sun, and a good set of lungs – it may also end in a black eye and a general distaste for all things green and gold (and drunk). The guys in the photo are alright, but they’re clearly at some kind of sporting event. If they weren’t, we’d be super disappointed in them.

Do not get (bad) tattoos

Yeah, nah.

Thinking of getting a tattoo while you’re away? Possibly in a foreign language for prosperity? Consider these two things first: does a week’s worth of alcohol indulgence usually result in excellent decision making? And do you speak the language well enough to decipher your own tattoo? Does it really say peace and strength, or does it say steak and tourists?

Do not drink Fosters

Not delicious. Never delicious.

The stereotype of us Australians drinking Fosters is rife over in Europe. Do not make matters worse by confirming the stereotype. You will live to regret it.

Party with pride

All of these people are actors and there is no way they are having this much fun.

Getting a little loose, having a little party, getting down for a little dance… these are all good things. Standing in the middle of a piazza singing Waltzing Matilda at the top of your lungs at 3am? Less good.

Learn the lingo

Yes, no, definitely.

“Oi, do you speak English mate?” is not an endearing introduction. You should probably try a tiny bit harder.

Do not be naked around others (unless your nakedness is mutual)

Super hairy.

Nudie runs, wedgies, mooning… public nudity in general is not acceptable, or funny for that matter – it’s just kind of hairy and sad.

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About the Author

Writing about travel is an excellent form of torture. Excellent because, writing about travel. Torture because, writing about travel. But I can’t complain too much. I got to spend a good many years gallivanting around, eating the food, seeing the things and sleeping in odd positions. Now every time the FOMO gets too intense, I just channel my wanderlust into bad travel adjectives. SAY NO TO AZURE.

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